You are attracted to someone, his actions say that he is attracted to you. You begin talking or dating and you find yourself thinking:


One way to express deep love and intimacy is through sex, but sex itself is not necessarily an expression of love or intimacy.
The decision to be sexual is often confused with the decision to love or have a person in one's life.

The decison to have sex with a partner is often taken lightly. But, before you decide to have sex with someone , you should ask yourself several questions....

Be honest with yourself:

What do I really want out of this encounter, out of this person? Am I hoping that the sex will lead to something deeper, or am I in it simply for the sex?

Am I in this because I want to be, or because I feel some kind of pressure to be sexual? Is there pressure coming from myself or from my partner? Could I say "no" to sex, comfortably?

Think about the possible consequences:

Understand that any person you have sex with could potentially be the father of your child, and, therefore, forever be in your life:

What will you do if you get pregnant? Is there a method of contraception that you use to prevent pregnancy?

What if you find that your partner gave you a sexually transmitted disease (STD, also known as a sexually transmitted infection, or STI)?

Have you Developed Individual Attitudes, Values, and Skills so you can effectively negotiate condom use (ask that your partner use a condom every time)? (See the video role play on how to do this).

Will you feel better or worse about yourself the next day? Remember, you do not have to have sex if you do not really want to. Moreover, you can follow the steps on how to get the man you want.

Do you know your partner's sexual history?

Do you know how many people this person has had sex with in his past? Has this man ever had sex with other men or been in prison?

Has this person ever had an STD? Do they have one now?

Can they show you paperwork and test results, if they report having already gone for Voluntary Counseling and Testing (VCT)? Are they willing to go for VCT with you, now?

Were they ever, specifically, tested for HIV? Did you ask? Did you see test results?

Does this person always/usually/never wear condoms? Are they agreeing to use a condom EVERY TIME? Are you going to negotiate condom use, and ask them to use a condom, BEFORE you are in a sexual situation. (See the video role play on how to do this).


The decision to have sex is not easy and you have to feel comfortable with any decision you make. A man that really likes you and respects you will respect any of your wishes in regard to sex! This includes waiting.

Yes, it is true many men will lose respect for a woman that he is able to have sex with too easily and too soon. In his mind, he many think that if you had sex with him so easily, then you will probably do so with other men. This may or may not be true, but it is how many men feel.

Take your time to make a decision you feel good about, when and if you decide to have sex with a partner. No matter what, be sure to ask him to wear a condom!


" I keep on fallin' in and out of love with you sometimes I love you,
sometimes you make me blue
sometimes I feel good, at times I feel used
Loving you darlin' makes me so confused" ( words and music by Alicia Keyes)


Love is confusing because it often evokes a host of other emotions and personal issues, such as self-worth and self-esteem, fears of rejection, passion and sexuality, jealousy and possessiveness, great joy and great sadness. Dealing with those emotions is confusing enough; but in love, we try to communicate and share intimacies with another person who is going through the same kinds of confused feelings that we are. When so many emotions are fighting for attention, it comes as no surprise that the mind doesn't seem to work that well! Remember, you can have the relationship that you want, and follow the steps for HOW TO GET THE MAN YOU WANT. Below are some important skills all DIVAS should learn.

How can I promote or maintain a healthy relationship?


This is achieved by developing Intimacy Skills

Self-Love Once we like ourselves, we can reach out to others, accept ourselves for who we are

Be open to communicating. Show your partner you are interested in what he has to say. This can be done by smiling, eye contact, and a warm relaxed posture. Taking five minutes a day to sit and connet with your partner may improve your relationship and help preserve intimacy and passion

Listening Give your partner your full attention when he is speaking to you. Learning to listen truly enhances intimacy

Show your partner affection. Smile at them, look them in the eyes, touch them, hug and kiss them for no reason. Affection shows that you feel a sense of warmth and security with your partner.

Trust To trust another person may be a difficult thing to do because it grants that other person the power to hurt or disappoint you. However, intimacy requires trust. Trust develops slowly . You trust your partner a littel in the beginning of your relationship and begin to trust him or her more and more as he proves to be dependable and predictable
Respect Respect is the process of acknowledging and understanding your partner's needs, even if you don't share them